Helping Grow Super Hero Thick Skin

I read so many articles and blogs about being kind and teaching your kids to be nice and the world should be full of rainbows and flowers.... While this is a great thing to instill, what about teaching your children to grow thick skin? We all know as adults reading this that realistically there is no way we have always gotten along with people, and we have all been made fun of in some sort of fashion, at one point in our lives. As many times as we beg for people to be nice, let’s face it, there will always be mean people, it is inevitable. Sure it is hurtful at the time but this is reality. Before you get your feelings hurt because you want to live in a pretend world of peace and happiness, hear me out.

Every experience when I was broken down, made me grow thicker skin. Without those difficult people that have been in and out of my life, I would have been naive to the world, to reality. I thank my parents for not protecting me from all the hardships and letting me experience the good and the bad, in a safe fashion of course. As parents we should be focusing on how to teach our children to improvise, adapt, and overcome. Build up their mental status, teach them strategies to use when unpleasant times arise, and most of all give them the confidence to come out on top. In addition, fill your child’s bucket of confidence so full that no one can poke enough holes to drain it dry. If a child can’t handle any kind of criticism, including my own, and have marshmallow feelings, that’s the time to bring out the tough love.

Going in a different direction for a moment.. It’s sort of following the same principle as when our kids fall when they’re little, if you make a huge deal about it, they are going to scream and cry for attention every time; but if you say it’s ok, you’re good... get up and dust yourself off, they know that it’s not a big deal. This brings me to my next point, if we always make a big deal out of the small stuff, when will they know what the big stuff is? Back on topic… if someone makes fun of your kid or hurts their feelings and you decide to react in a manner that gives off the impression that this is a huge deal, guess how your child will react? I can tell you what I’ve done, for instance, “Mom, so and so said I was ugly..” My response is, “So.” The first time I recall doing this my son he just looked at me, like I was supposed to do something. Then, I elaborated, “So what they said that, you know you’re not ugly and if you act like it bothers you they’ll keep doing it.” I didn’t lash out and contact the principal, or find the kid and give them an earful, all that does is make my kid think this is a big deal, when it doesn’t have to be. I handled it and shut it down. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an idiot to ignore if there was a potential life threatening bully type situation but again, that would be an actual serious situation that would require a more intense reaction. That’s how my kids know the difference. Like, oh shit this is serious or shake it off. This builds trust between you and your child as well and if they trust you, believe me they will listen when you tell them when something isn’t a big deal.

Remember, there are going to be bosses that are assholes, there will be colleagues that are difficult to be around, there might be friends who will stab you in the back, or teachers and professors that don’t see your worth. It sucks, and not fair sometimes but you know what? Children need that push so when they are older they know how to put on their big girl panties or big boy pants and move on. This training starts young. As parents if we handle all of our kids problems, how will they possibly be able to function in the real world? That is setting them up for failure. Highly successful people know how to overcome obstacles and it’s our responsibility to teach them how to do that, even when it involves dealing with unpleasant people. You can’t hold on to the hope that everyone will be kind, or that your child will only come in contact with nice people in their life. You don’t want them breaking down crying as a young adult saying their boss is a meanie because he said they need to step up their performance, or Susie in accounting looked at them funny.

Finally, teach your children to keep their expectations high on achievement and low on people. If they worry about everything people say about them, they are going to be disappointed with life. Encourage them to take hardships and engage them into an energy to strive for bigger success. The point is teach your kids to be kind but more importantly to be real, tell them people will make fun of them, but they’re wrong. Build them up, so they can’t be broken down. Tell them this isn’t a candy coated world we live in. There will always be someone you don’t like and someone that doesn’t like you, and that’s ok; not everyone meshes together and it is absolutely ridiculous to think we can. More importantly than being strong it's about feeling strong! Grow thick skin, teach them to dust themselves off, and don’t stop for anyone.